Breast Cancer Awareness month (October) also sometimes referred to as "Pinktober" due to the large amount of pink ribbon corporate campaigns is over. While I was honored to be a small part of the awareness by giving a PSA which aired on three local radio stations during October, I'm glad the pink craze is over! I like my money and support to stay local for the most part, and I was tired of being asked if I wanted to contribute a donation toward BC awareness when I was shopping this month, only to ask and be told the donation went to a national organization. I never know how much of what is donated is spent on actual research and/or patient needs vs. administrative fees or used to pad the pockets of high-salary executives at those national organizations.
The support I have received is amazing. So many folks care and want to help in any way they can - I have been lucky to have a lot of good people in my corner. I was sitting in the chemo suite yesterday and overheard a woman talking to a nurse about how she basically had to go on disability because her boss was not understanding and made her work life almost impossible; she just couldn't take it anymore and left her job. I couldn't relate as my boss and supervisors have all been so understanding and supportive, that I couldn't imagine being faced with having to leave my job and take even short-term disability because my employer was not understanding. I know there are those out there, and I am thankful that I am in the position I am. I received a card from my aunt who has not spoken to me in a year after an uncle told lies about me and she took his side. No olive branch was extended in her letter to repair our relationship, but rather the card was basically just a way for her to tell me she found out about my breast cancer and "I was in her prayers." I want to say to her, "Don't pray for me - pray for yourself!" I didn't need breast cancer to show me those I need to have in my life vs. those I need to cut out of my life. Auntie is definitely one I can cut out and not look back.
I have three treatments left and I can't wait-November 21 can't come fast enough! I was switched from Taxol to Docetaxol (Taxotere) for my last four treatments. My fingernails are horrible, two are trying to come off and are extremely painful, and I had some pretty significant bone pain that lasted until Tuesday this week (which is very uncommon), so my doctor and I hope the Docetaxol will be a little kinder on the fingernails and bone pain and not as toxic as the Taxol. Of course, Docetaxol comes with different side effects, but hopefully they won't be as significant as what I have endured on Taxol.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Terrible Taxol is Taking its Toll
This past week has been pretty rough. My bone pain was pretty strong on Sunday and Monday, and my mom ended up informing my doctor about it (as she works in the cancer center) and my doctor prescribed stronger pain pills which have seemed to help. Over the weekend, my left middle finger started to swell and the nail looked like it was raising. By Sunday, my finger was turning black around the nail and it looked like I had closed my finger in a car door. I call it my "Halloween Finger" as its black and gnarly looking and, well... just in time for Halloween! I could seriously scare the crap out of some people with it. Monday I noticed the fingernail on my first finger on my right hand was coming lose on one side. Denial was working well for me and I was trying to be gentle with it so as not to lose it; that thought just creeps me out. I don't do well with fingernails and eyeballs - they gross me out when there are problems with either of those! Mom and I were so concerned about my middle finger possibly being infected that I was able to get an appointment with the on-call oncologist Tuesday, October 22 and have it looked at. Just before I was walking out of work to go to the appointment, I was fussing with my wallet and I'm still not sure exactly how it happened - but my finger slipped and my nail caught and ripped, and almost all of it came off my right pointer/index finger. I was in soooooo much pain. It seriously took my breath away for a few moments and I was sobbing in my office. I eventually composed myself enough to grab a Kleenex and some tape from my desk and wrap my fingernail so I could leave to drive myself to the clinic for my appointment. I cried almost the entire way there from the pain and also a little frustration of having crappy nails that are falling apart! The good news is that my middle finger was/is not infected. The bad news is that the finger is scary and that's the result of Taxol. Just one of the side effects I'll have to live with for now.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Chemo Countdow
I'm now five treatments into the T/H combo of chemo that I will receive, and so far the Taxol and Herceptin have had some nasty little side effects that are different from the Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide that I previously received.
I was lucky on A/C in that I didn't have many side effects. A small rough patch on the roof of my mouth and a little soreness on my tongue around the fourth treatment, a very little bit of diarrhea, but no nausea. Food didn't taste very good and some was just downright disgusting. But otherwise, I was never "sick" from the A\C combination.
Taxol/Herceptin however, sucks. The first treatment was by far the worst. The infusion went fine and I sailed through work on Friday, September 6, but all hell broke lose that weekend. Saturday I woke to pain and feeling cold. I'm never cold. I'm always sweating and bitching about the heat, so to be cold in early September is odd for me. My legs felt like what I imagined it would be like to have "restless leg syndrome", and ached; I vaguely remember shin splints from my time on the varsity basketball team in high school. As I lay in bed, I would constantly keep moving my legs and trying to get comfortable, but nothing seemed to work. Saturday night I was shaking so bad my back hurt, my spine and shoulder blades felt like they were on fire from the violent shaking. My body would tense and I would just shake uncontrollably, and have to use every bit of willpower to make myself relax and stop. However, as soon as I got relaxed, the shaking would return. I was wearing a long sleeve T-shirt, under 2 blankets and still couldn't get "warm" or stop shaking. Finally, exhausted I managed to fall asleep but the sleep was restless. Sunday morning I experienced for the first time bone pain. I had heard of this from other patients, but not yet experienced it myself and was honestly hoping I wouldn't! My legs ached and some of my joints felt like I had arthritis. I took 6 ibuprofen in 5 hours and the limit was 8 in a 24 hour period. Thankfully I was able to get a prescription from my doctor for the pain which helped tremendously.
I was lucky on A/C in that I didn't have many side effects. A small rough patch on the roof of my mouth and a little soreness on my tongue around the fourth treatment, a very little bit of diarrhea, but no nausea. Food didn't taste very good and some was just downright disgusting. But otherwise, I was never "sick" from the A\C combination.
Taxol/Herceptin however, sucks. The first treatment was by far the worst. The infusion went fine and I sailed through work on Friday, September 6, but all hell broke lose that weekend. Saturday I woke to pain and feeling cold. I'm never cold. I'm always sweating and bitching about the heat, so to be cold in early September is odd for me. My legs felt like what I imagined it would be like to have "restless leg syndrome", and ached; I vaguely remember shin splints from my time on the varsity basketball team in high school. As I lay in bed, I would constantly keep moving my legs and trying to get comfortable, but nothing seemed to work. Saturday night I was shaking so bad my back hurt, my spine and shoulder blades felt like they were on fire from the violent shaking. My body would tense and I would just shake uncontrollably, and have to use every bit of willpower to make myself relax and stop. However, as soon as I got relaxed, the shaking would return. I was wearing a long sleeve T-shirt, under 2 blankets and still couldn't get "warm" or stop shaking. Finally, exhausted I managed to fall asleep but the sleep was restless. Sunday morning I experienced for the first time bone pain. I had heard of this from other patients, but not yet experienced it myself and was honestly hoping I wouldn't! My legs ached and some of my joints felt like I had arthritis. I took 6 ibuprofen in 5 hours and the limit was 8 in a 24 hour period. Thankfully I was able to get a prescription from my doctor for the pain which helped tremendously.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Hair today, gone tomorrow....my secret is out
My hair barely made it to the second round of chemo. Thursday, July 25 I was able to go to chemo with hair even though it had started to come out when I combed it that morning. However, Friday morning in the shower as I wet it and ran my hands over the top, I had a fistful of hair left behind. Friday at 10:30am I got my head shaved. I had read a blog entry from another woman with breast cancer who said nothing can prepare you to lose your hair. She was correct - as much preparation as I had done in buying scarves and caps for when my time would come, I was still not prepared and it was indeed a shock.
Since then, I have been trying to experiment with scarves as the thought of a wig in August just sounds horrible to me. Some scarves have worked, and others have failed. I find the non-slippery, long, rectangular head scarves to be easier to tie around my "Uncle Fester" looking head! I highly recommend having a fabric cap for the days you just don't want to deal with tying a head scarf; they are easy to pull on and go. Put on a pair of dangle earrings, some lip gloss and it's a quick out-the-door look.
One thing I have resented more than anything has been losing my hair. My secret is now out. When I had hair, no one knew I was sick to look at me, and that was fine; it was normalcy for the time being and I knew what would eventually come. Another resentment I have was a coworker who posted a picture of me and her, both in headscarves as she was being supportive of my cause, to her Facebook page and she tagged me. Ouch! When she asked me if she could have a picture, I had no idea she would post it in such a public fashion. I was absolutely horrified to see the photo of me in my cap on Friday - the first day I didn't have hair and before I could get used to wearing a cap - show up on my Facebook page when I had not yet gone public to all my friends and even some family members. Well, that certainly took my secret and put it out there for the world to see in a way I wasn't prepared and didn't authorize. I understand she did it out of support, but I would caution and urge everyone - please ASK someone if you can OUT them on such a social forum before doing so. By the time I realized she had posted the photo and tagged me, too many people had already seen and liked the photo for me to feel like I could request it taken down. I feel violated to this day. This is MY news to share with the world or whomever I damn well pleased - not anyone else's.
Lesson learned......no photos!
Since then, I have been trying to experiment with scarves as the thought of a wig in August just sounds horrible to me. Some scarves have worked, and others have failed. I find the non-slippery, long, rectangular head scarves to be easier to tie around my "Uncle Fester" looking head! I highly recommend having a fabric cap for the days you just don't want to deal with tying a head scarf; they are easy to pull on and go. Put on a pair of dangle earrings, some lip gloss and it's a quick out-the-door look.
One thing I have resented more than anything has been losing my hair. My secret is now out. When I had hair, no one knew I was sick to look at me, and that was fine; it was normalcy for the time being and I knew what would eventually come. Another resentment I have was a coworker who posted a picture of me and her, both in headscarves as she was being supportive of my cause, to her Facebook page and she tagged me. Ouch! When she asked me if she could have a picture, I had no idea she would post it in such a public fashion. I was absolutely horrified to see the photo of me in my cap on Friday - the first day I didn't have hair and before I could get used to wearing a cap - show up on my Facebook page when I had not yet gone public to all my friends and even some family members. Well, that certainly took my secret and put it out there for the world to see in a way I wasn't prepared and didn't authorize. I understand she did it out of support, but I would caution and urge everyone - please ASK someone if you can OUT them on such a social forum before doing so. By the time I realized she had posted the photo and tagged me, too many people had already seen and liked the photo for me to feel like I could request it taken down. I feel violated to this day. This is MY news to share with the world or whomever I damn well pleased - not anyone else's.
Lesson learned......no photos!
Monday, July 15, 2013
Chemo weekend #1
July 15, 2013
Thursday, July 11 was my first chemo treatment. I have felt fine since then with just a slight bit of dizziness on Friday morning when I awoke and a very slight headache on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I have been keeping on top of my anti-nausea medicine as I don't wish to begin feeling nauseous. Appetite is down slightly (which is just fine - I could stand to lose a few pounds....), but food for the most part still tastes the same. No mouth sores, gastrointestinal issues, or other unpleasant side effects from the chemo yet that I had planned on experiencing so I'm thrilled. Now, if every treatment would go this smooth, I will be a happy lady. I'm not holding my breath - I'm sure at some point the amount of drugs in my body will start causing more havoc than good. Wait for it.....wait for it.....
Thursday, July 11 was my first chemo treatment. I have felt fine since then with just a slight bit of dizziness on Friday morning when I awoke and a very slight headache on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I have been keeping on top of my anti-nausea medicine as I don't wish to begin feeling nauseous. Appetite is down slightly (which is just fine - I could stand to lose a few pounds....), but food for the most part still tastes the same. No mouth sores, gastrointestinal issues, or other unpleasant side effects from the chemo yet that I had planned on experiencing so I'm thrilled. Now, if every treatment would go this smooth, I will be a happy lady. I'm not holding my breath - I'm sure at some point the amount of drugs in my body will start causing more havoc than good. Wait for it.....wait for it.....
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Hello Red Devil....
July 11, 2013
I will be exactly 7 weeks post op tomorrow, and had my first round of chemo drugs this morning. It's hard to believe it's been that long, and in other ways the time seems to be flying by; I hope the feeling of time flying by continues, but only for the next two years....then it can slow down again!
I was up at 6:30, but began thinking of all the unknown today and procrastinated in bed (got on computer, kept laying in bed hitting the snooze button) until almost 7:30. I finally decided it was time to face the day and get in the shower already. Worked until 10:30, then bid farewell to the coworkers extraordinaire to get to the clinic. Upon arrival I checked in at the front desk and went upstairs. Didn't have to wait long to get called back and then we did the weight thing (ugh....) and she asked if I wanted a room with a bed or a chair. Upon looking at the chair and how small the rooms are, I chose the chair as I knew I might have visitors and there would be more room. Mom came and joined me just as I was getting ready to give her a call to try and tell her exactly what room I was in and found me before anything got started. They had only taken my vitals (blood pressure, temperature and pulse/oxygen). We sat for probably 30 minutes and my nurse came in to inform that they were looking at orders and waiting on the meds to be mixed and it shouldn't be much longer.
First up was inserting a needle into my port. I had put a small dab of the EMLA cream I had left over from surgery on a bandaide at work around 9am as to numb the area a little so it would hurt less. Mom was smart and mentioned the freeze cream they have and so my nurse Heather shot me for a good 10-15 seconds with the freeze cream. Then, she inserted the needle into the port and pulled on the syringe for the flash of blood. Nothing. So, she opened a syringe of saline and hooked that one up and flushed the line, and flash - there was blood! (Yes, this is good! It means the port was working and just needed some prodding; I had not had anyone do anything with it until today.) The freeze cream is amazing! Never felt a thing going in and no pain whatsoever tonight from the IV.
Next up, administering half a bag of saline through the IV/port before any of the chemo drugs. This took maybe 20 minutes or so. But before any of the chemo drugs were administered, they gave me two different drugs for nausea via IV. Each one took about 20 minutes.
And then.....it was Adriamycin, a.k.a. "Red Devil"! This is THE mother of chemo drugs that I will be receiving. The nurse administered this to me via push. A "push" means the medication is in a syringe and they literally sit next to you and upon hooking the syringe into your IV, they gently apply pressure and "push" the medicine in slowly, as opposed to the drip of an IV. I received three large syringes (think 1 inch diameter and about 5-6 inches long). They had me suck a popsicle (or ice works too) while it's being pushed to reduce the chance/occurrence/severity of mouth sores. While it will deliver the gifts of (potential) nausea and heart problems, along with drowsiness, fatigue, hair loss, diarrhea, red urine, and will lower my white and red blood cell counts as it attacks not only the cancer cells but other rapidly dividing cells in my body, I must remember that in the end it will make me better. This will be a journey. I will travel this yellow brick road and kick some red devil ass along the way!
Last but not least was Cytoxan. This was another bag hung with the saline and given over 90 minutes. I turned on the TV only briefly to watch maybe 30 minutes of Ellen. The rest of the time was spent talking to mom and/or interacting with the nurses who came to stop the beeping and change out the four bags of fluid I was given today. It was great to see Sally, my moms supervisor and have a chance to speak to her for a short while. I also got to meet Ralph who works in the pharmacy and mixes drugs; while he didn't personally mix mine, he was on top of it! Oh Ralph - loved his German brogue and hearing about his granddaughter and seeing his adorable picture of her.
Once the Cytoxan was finished I was done. The nurse came in and removed the needle from my port, which didn't hurt at all and was a cinch. She reminded me of the anti-nausea prescriptions at the pharmacy and insisted that if I had any problems or side affects they warned me about, I was to call ASAP. Mom and I gathered my stuff, and we were free! Total ordeal took from 11am to just after 4pm. I was at Walgreens about 4:20 buying my meds and drinks and then to my parents for dinner. Fantastic bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with a little bit of potato salad and just a little bit of my new favorite ice cream from Hudsonville for desert.
Now, sleep so I can hopefully go to work tomorrow (Friday) morning for a little while before my afternoon appointments. This weekend will be taking it easy and hopefully feeling somewhat decent given the circumstances.
I will be exactly 7 weeks post op tomorrow, and had my first round of chemo drugs this morning. It's hard to believe it's been that long, and in other ways the time seems to be flying by; I hope the feeling of time flying by continues, but only for the next two years....then it can slow down again!
I was up at 6:30, but began thinking of all the unknown today and procrastinated in bed (got on computer, kept laying in bed hitting the snooze button) until almost 7:30. I finally decided it was time to face the day and get in the shower already. Worked until 10:30, then bid farewell to the coworkers extraordinaire to get to the clinic. Upon arrival I checked in at the front desk and went upstairs. Didn't have to wait long to get called back and then we did the weight thing (ugh....) and she asked if I wanted a room with a bed or a chair. Upon looking at the chair and how small the rooms are, I chose the chair as I knew I might have visitors and there would be more room. Mom came and joined me just as I was getting ready to give her a call to try and tell her exactly what room I was in and found me before anything got started. They had only taken my vitals (blood pressure, temperature and pulse/oxygen). We sat for probably 30 minutes and my nurse came in to inform that they were looking at orders and waiting on the meds to be mixed and it shouldn't be much longer.
First up was inserting a needle into my port. I had put a small dab of the EMLA cream I had left over from surgery on a bandaide at work around 9am as to numb the area a little so it would hurt less. Mom was smart and mentioned the freeze cream they have and so my nurse Heather shot me for a good 10-15 seconds with the freeze cream. Then, she inserted the needle into the port and pulled on the syringe for the flash of blood. Nothing. So, she opened a syringe of saline and hooked that one up and flushed the line, and flash - there was blood! (Yes, this is good! It means the port was working and just needed some prodding; I had not had anyone do anything with it until today.) The freeze cream is amazing! Never felt a thing going in and no pain whatsoever tonight from the IV.
Next up, administering half a bag of saline through the IV/port before any of the chemo drugs. This took maybe 20 minutes or so. But before any of the chemo drugs were administered, they gave me two different drugs for nausea via IV. Each one took about 20 minutes.
And then.....it was Adriamycin, a.k.a. "Red Devil"! This is THE mother of chemo drugs that I will be receiving. The nurse administered this to me via push. A "push" means the medication is in a syringe and they literally sit next to you and upon hooking the syringe into your IV, they gently apply pressure and "push" the medicine in slowly, as opposed to the drip of an IV. I received three large syringes (think 1 inch diameter and about 5-6 inches long). They had me suck a popsicle (or ice works too) while it's being pushed to reduce the chance/occurrence/severity of mouth sores. While it will deliver the gifts of (potential) nausea and heart problems, along with drowsiness, fatigue, hair loss, diarrhea, red urine, and will lower my white and red blood cell counts as it attacks not only the cancer cells but other rapidly dividing cells in my body, I must remember that in the end it will make me better. This will be a journey. I will travel this yellow brick road and kick some red devil ass along the way!
Last but not least was Cytoxan. This was another bag hung with the saline and given over 90 minutes. I turned on the TV only briefly to watch maybe 30 minutes of Ellen. The rest of the time was spent talking to mom and/or interacting with the nurses who came to stop the beeping and change out the four bags of fluid I was given today. It was great to see Sally, my moms supervisor and have a chance to speak to her for a short while. I also got to meet Ralph who works in the pharmacy and mixes drugs; while he didn't personally mix mine, he was on top of it! Oh Ralph - loved his German brogue and hearing about his granddaughter and seeing his adorable picture of her.
Once the Cytoxan was finished I was done. The nurse came in and removed the needle from my port, which didn't hurt at all and was a cinch. She reminded me of the anti-nausea prescriptions at the pharmacy and insisted that if I had any problems or side affects they warned me about, I was to call ASAP. Mom and I gathered my stuff, and we were free! Total ordeal took from 11am to just after 4pm. I was at Walgreens about 4:20 buying my meds and drinks and then to my parents for dinner. Fantastic bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich with a little bit of potato salad and just a little bit of my new favorite ice cream from Hudsonville for desert.
Now, sleep so I can hopefully go to work tomorrow (Friday) morning for a little while before my afternoon appointments. This weekend will be taking it easy and hopefully feeling somewhat decent given the circumstances.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Return to work
Monday, June 8
Today was my first day back since having a left mastectomy on May 24. It was weird; as if nothing had changed and everything changed. My co-workers are the best and have been super supportive so far. I walked around the corner to find two signs on the door of our suite of offices that read "Welcome Back Sarah" and "We missed you!", and two more signs on the door of my office that said, "Welcome Sarah" and "Michael Missed You!" (Michael Phelps = I'm a huge fan and have his Kellogg's poster above my desk at work!). They brought donuts and it was great to sit in the middle of the suite and catch up after being gone for six weeks. Took me a while to get signed onto my computer and had to reset some of my passwords that had expired in that time, but I finally got going enough that I think today wasn't a total waste. Ha!
I start chemo on Thursday, July 11 at 11:00a.m. Not sure what to expect, so that has me nervous, but I'm sure I'll do fine. I think the hardest part of this whole process is not being able to make plans. I want to do so much, but have no idea what the future holds; I can't very well make plans, as I don't know if I'll feel well, be sick, be ok, etc. It sux. Day by day, no future plans being made at this time.
My new friend Judy has second round of surgery tomorrow to have more lymph nodes removed. I pray she does well and feels decent when it's over. Her armpit is going to be sore again, and that sux as she was just beginning to feel better. She's strong and will get through it and we are going to support each other. I like to think of her as my second mom! :) Her sons graduated a couple years before me and a couple years after me.
Today was my first day back since having a left mastectomy on May 24. It was weird; as if nothing had changed and everything changed. My co-workers are the best and have been super supportive so far. I walked around the corner to find two signs on the door of our suite of offices that read "Welcome Back Sarah" and "We missed you!", and two more signs on the door of my office that said, "Welcome Sarah" and "Michael Missed You!" (Michael Phelps = I'm a huge fan and have his Kellogg's poster above my desk at work!). They brought donuts and it was great to sit in the middle of the suite and catch up after being gone for six weeks. Took me a while to get signed onto my computer and had to reset some of my passwords that had expired in that time, but I finally got going enough that I think today wasn't a total waste. Ha!
I start chemo on Thursday, July 11 at 11:00a.m. Not sure what to expect, so that has me nervous, but I'm sure I'll do fine. I think the hardest part of this whole process is not being able to make plans. I want to do so much, but have no idea what the future holds; I can't very well make plans, as I don't know if I'll feel well, be sick, be ok, etc. It sux. Day by day, no future plans being made at this time.
My new friend Judy has second round of surgery tomorrow to have more lymph nodes removed. I pray she does well and feels decent when it's over. Her armpit is going to be sore again, and that sux as she was just beginning to feel better. She's strong and will get through it and we are going to support each other. I like to think of her as my second mom! :) Her sons graduated a couple years before me and a couple years after me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)